This was a question posed to me by a mom who understood that encouraging her tween to eat “healthy foods” wasn’t getting her kiddo to eat those “healthy foods” and was actually causing friction between them.

Her question is a reasonable one.

The Division of Responsibility in feeding (DoR) outlines the feeding relationship between parents/caregivers and children. Parent/caregivers are responsible for the what, where and when of feeding (ex. pancakes & fruit will be served at 8 am at the counter) and kids get to decide whether to eat what is provided or not and how much.

As parents it’s our job to provide a wide variety of foods, including foods we think of as “healthy foods”–fruits, veggies, whole grains, milk, eggs–and foods we think of as “treats” cookies, candy, donuts and chips. We serve foods that we know are good for growing bodies and provide the energy and nutrients kids need to learn and play.

Providing foods we want kids to be exposed to is different from pressuring them to eat it. Providing foods means putting “healthy” foods like vegetables on the plate alongside foods that kids generally accept. The script I provide to parent when the put the plate down is “here you go” instead of “try this veggie” or “take a bite” or “eat the carrots so you can see better”.

When kids are feeling pressured, manipulated, tricked or guilted into trying a food, they are less likely to comply and a power struggle appears. I describe it like magnets repelling each other- when parents step forward, the kids back up.

Most parents tell me that they want to stop negotiating about foods. They want dinnertime to be more enjoyable. So let’s stop negotiating, pressuring, demanding, encouraging and bribing. Be more food neutral (“Here you go”). If your kiddo throws down a complaint (“I’m not eating these gross green beans”), avoid taking the bait. This will take time and practice.

How can you “stay in your lane”?

Here are three things that you can do to expose your little one to more nutrient-dense foods and stay in your own lane:

1. Serve balanced meals (protein, starch, fruit/veg)
2. Eat veggies yourself without complaining or trying to “sell” it to your kiddo.
3. Continue to serve those foods even if they don’t try them–someday they might surprise you!

Snack Idea:

1/2 a peanut butter and jelly sandwich & baby carrots

Reach out at Karen@CoastalFamilyNutrition.com or call the office at 603-674-2479.

Please feel free to share this with someone who may like to learn more about feeding kiddos!